Tag Archives: Humor

Northern Lights on the Northern Line

For some reason, I am claustrophobic. But sometimes I try to take the tube anyway. Last time I took it, I felt the need to write an ode to my journey to calm my nerves. Here it is:

Ah! No! I’m panicking!

And I thought I was the king.

I’m sure I’m low in 5-HTP,

I need more drug than a hippie.

We are now in Tottenham Court Road.

Oh I hate this fucking crowd.

I wish I knew how to write haiku,

Instead of throwing these words at you.

We’re finally reaching Euston.

I think we’ll have a problem, Houston.

Loud music from my Ipod, very lively.

Shit I hope I have enough battery.

Next stop is finally mine.

I’m gonna leave this stupid line.

Thank you very much Transport For London,

Please next time build train larger than a condom.

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Productivity

To all employees,

We understand that for the past couple of months, we have emphasised the importance of productivity and hard work in this time of economic uncertainty.

Our last communications and quarterly meetings presented you with a gloomy situation where each employee is an important actor of the well-being of the company, and
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Safety first

“Sir?

– …

– Sir?

– …

– Sir, I can see your feet below the door. I know you’re inside.

– I’m busy right now. What do you want?

– Sir, I’m the safety officer. The fire drill exercise has just started, sir. We are acting like it is a real fire and all staff has to evacuate the building.

– Good, good.

– And my role as a safety officer is to check everywhere and make sure nobody is left behind… That’s why I have to check the toilets sir. Continue reading

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Teeny tiny dog

Sammy was walking in the street one morning. Ready to have a coffee. He had difficulty to wake up this morning and had a long day ahead of him. The double espresso was a necessity. Maybe two double espressos.

He stopped at a traffic light, waiting for the red dude to turn green. On the opposite side of the street, waiting to cross the street too, was a girl and a tiny dog.The type of teeny tiny dogs we can see by hundreds in the streets of New York. Everybody has one. The lonely elderly. The young woman living the dream. The young couple not quite ready to have kids yet. And even the big muscles kind of guys. For some reasons. Continue reading

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Feeling like saying “f**k you”?

Do not forget to vote for you favorite F**k You song at http://sayingfuckyou.wordpress.com/

Saying F**k You once a day has been proved to improve happiness as much as hearing the music of the ice cream truck.

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Freedom of thought

“The other day at work, my colleagues spent 30 minutes debating about IOS versus Android…

– What’s IOS?

– The system used by Apple in their iPhones and stuff.

– Ah yes. And what’s Android?

– Oh come on! That’s Apple’s competitor. The system used by other phones like Samsung. And Android is created by Google.

– Oh I see.

– So people were talking about IOS and Android. One group was saying IOS was better. The other group was trying to prove that it was Android the best system and so on.

– Mmmm

– Yes mmmm exactly, right? I was like but who cares? Is that really what’s happening? People now have opinion about stuff like that?

– Apparently yes.

– And I was like is this what Martin Luther fought for? Have we come to this? Did he march on Washington for that? Continue reading

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Family Trilogy part. III: Wisdom

“That’s very nice of you to join me for lunch, Peter. You’re a good kid.

– Oh no worries, Grand Pa. It’s a pleasure for me you know. I like my weekly lunch with my Grand Pa!

– I’m glad. Me too, Pete. So what’s up with you?

– Oh nothing much, you know. The usual.

– Mmm. It’s not what I heard from you parents.

– Ha ha. Don’t listen to them. They are a bit nervous because I have a lot of interviews but no job yet.

– Oh don’t worry about me. It might surprised you but I remember what it is to be young.

– Oh I know Grand Pa, I know. On this aspect, you are much more open-minded that Mum and Dad…

– So, what do you have in mind? What’s your plan, now that you have resigned from your previous job. What do you want to do, Pete?

– Mmmm. Can I be honest with you, Grand Pa? Continue reading

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